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A funny, I hope, Ezra and Vin ATF fic. Posted 24/11/05
"Come on, Ez. I need to do some food shopping," Vin, the long-haired sharpshooter, said as he changed direction and headed toward Wal-mart.
The undercover agent stopped in his tracks and pulled Vin to a halt, too. "You can't possibly expect me to enter that den of iniquity. I have my food delivered and I've never set foot in such an establishment," Ezra said, green eyes flashing in disgust. It was almost as if he was being asked to tap dance naked.
"Well there's a first time for everything," Vin said as he continued on his journey and ignored his friend's protest.
Ezra grimaced, but followed the sharpshooter inside reluctantly. He'd come in Vin's jeep so other than taking public transport there was no way to get home.
"Get a cart, Ez," Vin ordered as he pulled a shopping list out of his back pocket and studied it intently.
"A what?" the dark-haired man asked in confusion.
"A shopping cart. Over there," Vin said as he sighed in despair and pointed in the required direction. Sometimes Ezra could be so naïve, surely everyone knew what a shopping cart was.
Ezra went to collected one and made his way back to Vin with his wayward cart. He pushed it one way and it seemed determined in head in the opposite direction, squeaking loudly in protest as it went.
"Oh, this is so degrading," he grumbled as he fought the cart manfully. His stomach was already beginning to ache from the effort of making to the cart move where he wanted it to.
Vin shook his head and stood with hands on hips as he watched his friend fighting the cart. "Jeez, Ez, anyone would think I was asking you to dress as a woman and do the can-can."
"This is much worse, believe me."
"Aw, come on, shopping can be fun," Vin cajoled as he headed up the first aisle.
"Oh, please," Ezra complained as he tried to head after his friend. Now the offending wheel had got stuck and he found himself doing a lovely piroutte. After completing a 360 degree turn he kicked the wonky wheel in frustration and it seemed to cure it, both of the squeak and the quirkiness. Ezra couldn't help smiling like a maniac at having sorted it out.
"Come on, Ez. Stop messing about," Vin called as he stood with an armful of groceries.
Vin took possession of the cart and placed a few things in it. He looked around and then put one foot on the back of the cart and pushed off with his other foot. The cart set off and he quickly pulled his other foot off the floor and leaned forward to keep the transport upright.
Ezra stared at him in horror and looked at the other shoppers in embarrassment. He watched Vin glide majestically down the aisle while also managing to pick up one or two things from the shelves on the way.
The undercover agent turned and walked the other way, pretending that he wasn't with Vin at all. He wasn't going to be allowed to escape, though. He heard the rattle of wheels and Vin swept up elegantly beside him.
"Where ya goin'?" the sharpshooter asked.
"As far away from you as possible. I've never been so embarrasesed in all my life. How old are you? You're acting like a toddler," Ezra complained as his bottom lip pouted and his brow creased into a frown.
"It's great. Why don't you have a go, Ez."
"Not likely," Ezra retorted as he crossed his arms haughtily.
Vin's eyes looked to Heaven and he shook his head in despair. "Let yer hair down for once in yer life. Jeez you're so tight-assed. Live a little. Don't tell me, you think you can't do it 'cause you're too old," he said as he stared at Ezra scornfully.
Ezra scowled and took hold of the cart at that challenge as Vin knew he would. The undercover agent had experienced a tough time lately and Vin wanted the man to enjoy himself a bit. Goading him was sometimes the only way to get him motivated.
Ezra wheeled the cart along to the next aisle, which was fairly clear. He copied what Vin had done and set off on a wobbly journey to the end. He came to a very unbalanced halt and turned with a triumphant grin on his face. Perhaps acting the fool wasn't so bad after all.
"There you are, old man. Knew you could do it," Vin said as he smiled broadly while walking to join his friend. "I'll have a go down the next aisle."
Vin took charge of the cart again and walked along with it. He discovered he was in the bread aisle so he got his shopping first and then turned round to head back up. He pushed off and kept one leg sticking out behind him for balance as he set off at speed right to the end. When he got there he did a 360 degree turn and managed to stay upright and in control.
Ezra clapped and laughed at his friend's antics. He was really beginning to relax and enjoy himself, regardless of the looks they were getting from their fellow shoppers..
"Your turn, " Vin said.
Ezra got hold of his conveyance and headed off toward the next aisle. He set off and things went well to start with. He tried to emulate Vin's flourish at the end but only managed a 180 degree turn before he lost his balance and toppled headfirst into the car. Vin couldn't help laughing as he ran to rescue his friend. At the moment Ezra's legs were waving around in the air as he tried to right himself, but he was more likely to topple the whole cart over in the process.
"Hey, Ez. Nearly did it." He eventually got the man uprght and giggled when he saw the pattern of the trolley mesh on Ezra's face. "Jeez, you're behind bars in jail, Ez," he guffawed.
"Whatever do you mean?"
Vin picked up a mirror from a nearby display and showed Ezra the markings.
Ezra squinted at his reflection and raised a hand to his face. He could actually feel the indentations. "Oh, Good Lord. I'm marked for life. This is your fault, Mr. Tanner. Everyone will laugh at me now."
"They were laughing before, bud," Vin said dryly.
"There ya go, even you're laughing," Vin replied as he patted Ezra's back boisterously.
Ezra waved his hands in the direction of the cart. "Give me the cart. I'm going to master this maneuver if it's the last thing I do."
Ezra found a nice quiet aisle and pushed the cart away from him before jumping on the back. He leaned his stomach over the bar and glided effortlessly down to the end. He did a rather shaky 360 turn but he was smiling broadly at Vin as he stepped down off the cart after completing the move. He turned round again and came face to face with a security guard.
"Excuse me sir, we've had reports of two hoodlums messing about on carts. Have you sen anything?" the man asked as he studied Ezra's marked face curiously.
"No, I haven't seen anyone. I've just been minding my own business," Ezra said as he tried to keep a straight face.
"Sorry to have bothered you," the guard said as he moved away.
Ezra found Vin beside him and the two exchanged amused glances before bursting out laughing.
"Well, this shopping lark isn't as bad as I'd contemplated."
"Told you it could be fun," Vin said in satisfaction as he draped an arm round his friend's shoulders, glad that Ezra had, for once, really relaxed and let go.
"Maybe we can come again," the undercover agent suggested tentatively.
Vin nodded. "Okay, and then I can teach you to body surf on the cart instead."
Ezra looked at Vin, not sure whether to believe him or not, but there, anything was possible where Vin was concerned.